The (Last) Food Challenge

Look – Food Challenge Friday was one of the most fun things you guys ever got to witness and read, right?  Well – it was always fun for everyone but the people doing it.  We decided that right before Thanksgiving we would conduct our last Food Challenge (indulging variety).  We’re aiming for healthier bodies and beings moving forward.  There will be some more fun challenges coming your way in the future, do not fret.

Let’s set the table.  We were deciding what to do for our final food challenge and even asked the Twitter world.  We got no responses (wow, guys, thanks) so we started talking between ourselves.  We figured hot dogs would be interesting and Adam and I both love hot dogs.  We weren’t sure if Misty would be in because we didn’t know what she thought of the wiener variety – but alas she said she could do some dogs.  We were trying to figure out how many to do for 2 of us (before Misty was added) and simultaneously Adam and I both shouted out answers:

Luke “16”
Adam “50!”  FIFTY.  FIFTY. 5-0

We settled for 24.

The morning of – Misty sends a text.  It doesn’t look good.  She bails.  Yikes.  I quickly inform Adam who is doing the shopping.  I told him it’s his call.  Do what you feel.

Before you ask, the cooking method was crockpot because we didn’t have a lot of other options.  Adam showed up with 20 dogs. (did you know they made 10 packs??)  We weren’t sure how this would go but we knew we had to try.

10:57 the mood is light, but worrisome.

Adam just made lemonade in his water.  It’s in a bottle, so dunking will be challenging.

11:00 – the game begins.  Horrible game, by the way.

The buns are stiff – not fresh.  Bad buy by Adam.

This was going to be on video but Misty bailed.  Fuck you Misty.

I switched buns after my 2nd dog.  Softer – but bigger.  Like real buns. (that was a butt joke)

Two different strategies – Adam going speed – Luke going slow and steady.  Adam just grabbed 3 dogs and half bottle ketcuped (new word) them up.

11:05 – Adam 4 down, Luke 3.

11:08 – Adam 7, Luke 4.

11:09 – the hot dogs start to taste  funny and Adam starts to sweat.  Not a good look.

11:13 – 7 hot dogs remain and we aren’t quite as chipper as we were just 16 minutes ago.  Burps are flying left and right and that’s about the only sound you hear.

Adam just quoted his favorite porno and said “I’m getting ready to shove number 9 in my mouth.”  Famously from the film, Holy Shit, She Took Ten.

Are bathroom breaks allowed?

Adam went to the bathroom. I’ve debated throwing a couple hot dogs in the trash and adding them to my count.

11:22 the towel was thrown in and all hope was lost.

6.  I got to 6 hotdogs in what was for some odd reason so much more difficult to do than I anticipated.

Adam got to 8.5 – yes, there was a half a hot dog floating around somewhere that did not get finished.

We would like to apologize on behalf of Opinions Anonymous, Kyle’s 9-9-9 glory, and the entire eating world that we are not cut out for a hot dog eating competition.  You can argue we didn’t try hard enough.  You can argue we didn’t give it our all.  You can call us names.  But until you sit down at your work desk and try to crush 20 hot dogs with a friend, I’d like you to shut the fuck up and just respect us for trying.

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