Is There a Right Way To Sleep??

Sleep is something everyone does (unless you’re an infant, or parents to an infant).  But have you ever stopped to think, “is there a right way to sleep?”  Well lucky for you I am about to tell you the correct way to sleep (my way) and if you disagree, well quite frankly you’re wrong.  Before you blast me, give it a try, you will enjoy a quick drift off and a lasting (until the kid screams) nights sleep.  

First and foremost the correct way to sleep is on your side, which side is not important, as long as the rest remains the same for either side.  To keep things simple we will say I am on my right side.  Anyone who knows me knows I run hot, and not just feel a bit uncomfortably warm when most are comfortable, I mean I am sweating when most people are freezing, it is just the way my body runs (surely it’s not a larger health issue I will eventually die from).  Although I run hot, the correct way to sleep is under covers, not one leg out, not both legs out sometimes, UNDER the covers.  However for some reason I have learned that when knees touch at night that it makes a person hotter, not sure why, I guess it’s just science, to help with this it is very important that you keep the blanket you’re using tucked in between your knees, and yes you can do that while still remaining both legs under the covers (if you cannot figure out how then you have much larger issues than learning the correct way to sleep).   

Once you have accomplished the legs covered and blanket preventing the knees from touching you are into the upper body.  The arm you are sleeping on, in this case the right arm, is under the pillow up by your head and extended out, this helps to prevent the constant pressure on your shoulder and eliminates waking feeling like you spent 8+hours trying to tackle a NFL running back (you can feel slightly awkward in the first few morning sleeping with your arm at this angle but over time your shoulder will strengthen you pussy).  The left arm is kind of up to you.  I primarily just let my palm rest on the bed next to me (like a push up type arm position) sometimes rolling it into a fist, either way works.  

You should all now get the picture on the correct way to sleep.  If you are thinking “but Adam, you didn’t tell us how to position our head”  think about it dummy, you are on your side, please explain to me how else you would position your head than, I don’t know, on it’s right fucking side.  If you had the thought above, do everyone a favor and don’t reproduce.  

If you try this position and have anything less than perfect results please comment below and let me know, I will try to help you figure out where you went wrong because this IS the correct way to sleep, it has been proven by Harvard students, really Google it.  If you think you know a better way to sleep then please move on and don’t comment because it would be embarrassing for everyone to see you being wrong.  

Thanks everyone for reading this way too long, yet still correct, way to sleep.  

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5 thoughts on “Is There a Right Way To Sleep??”

  1. You forgot to explain to your readers that they can’t share a blanket with their wife and still achieve the perfect nights sleep. #JustSaying

  2. I sleep with a pillow between my knees instead of using the blanket. Is this ok? Am I sleeping wrong?

  3. I think a pillow is acceptable. The main thing is not allowing the knees to touch, as long as it is being accomplished how you accomplish it is not as important.

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