Ranking Every Disney Movie

In episode 5, the Opinions Anonymous team ranked our top 5 Disney and/or Pixar (even though they’re the same) movies of all time.  While I felt satisfied with my top 5, for some reason, it didn’t feel like enough.  I decided a deeper look at the entirety of the Disney catalog was in order.  So I decided to take on the challenge of ranking every single animated feature film that Disney and Pixar ever released.   Now you may be asking yourself, what makes me so qualified to rank all of these movies?   Am I a Disney completionist who has seen them all over my lifetime?  Well, no.  In fact prior to this week I’d only seen at best probably half of them.   “Prior to this week?”  Oh, so I took the time to go back and watch every movie for the purpose of ranking them accurately?   Also no.  But, since I regard myself as having very good taste in movies and a knack for guessing whether something is good or not based on very little, I have decided that I am in fact the best person for the job.

Now, I will be leaving out sequels that didn’t make it into theaters, or at least weren’t on the Wikipedia list that I looked up, and I’m not counting any of the “live action” remakes since they are basically the same movies over again.  Having said that, here it is: The Definitive Rankings of Every Disney and/or Pixar Animated Feature Film, Even if I Haven’t Seen Them or Don’t Remember Them.

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77. The Hunchback of Notre Dame – The cellar of the Disney catalog.  This is straight up a bad movie.  Which sucks, because Esmeralda is arguably one of the hottest Disney princesses, and for my money an actually good female character (which, let’s be honest, to this point in its history Disney had struggled with).  But it’s trying really, really hard to fit in with the previous successes of the Disney Renaissance, like Aladdin and The Lion King.   Great idea, but none of the jokes really land, and Quasimodo is not a very likable lead character. And that’s not me ugly-shaming him.  Although, I should be, because come on, the dude is too ugly for a movie to be made about him.

76. Home on the Range

75. Cars 3

74. The Good Dinosaur

73. Monsters University

72. The Adventures of Ichabod and Mr. Toad

71. Brother Bear

70. Dinosaur – Ok, I’ll be honest here.   The bottom like one-third of this list are movies that I don’t think I’ve ever seen, so cut me some slack if I misjudge them.  I’m basically going off of the impressions I have of them and/or reviews I’ve seen online.   For that reason, I won’t be writing about a lot of them.  That said, I think I’ve seen this movie, and it was boring.

69. Tarzan – Don’t think for a second that Tarzan is actually this low on my list.   In fact, it may have the highest honor of being 69.   It lands here because, as Kyle accurately stated in our episode, Jane is thicc af.

68. Finding Dory

67. Big Hero 6

66. The Many Adventures of Winnie the Pooh

65. Winnie the Pooh – All things Winnie the Pooh can just get out of here.   The fact that this dipshit bear is supposed to be enjoyed by children is a national tragedy.

64. Meet the Robinsons – When I saw this on the list, a small part of me for some reason thought it was Harry and the Hendersons.  I haven’t seen this movie, but I’ve since realized it’s not about Bigfoot, so I’m going to say it’s not worth my time.

63. Bolt – John Travolta as a dog is not what kids want to see.

62. Ralph Breaks the Internet – Ralph Breaks the Internet has only been in theaters for just over a week, but I have a feeling it’s not going to age well.   Like, even in 2019.

61. The Princess and the Frog

60. Fantasia 2000 – The original Fantasia (which we’ll get to later) had something special going for it.  Trying to recapture that magic was a mistake, and lands Fantasia 2000 near the bottom of the list.

59. The Black Cauldron – Probably the most frightening of the entire list, but the 60s-70s period was very hit or miss.  And I think this is largely a miss.

58. Cars 2

57. Brave

56. Treasure Planet – Cool idea, bad execution.   Come back when you’re Muppet Treasure Island.

55. Inside Out – I feel as though Inside Out was supposed to be pretty good, but I get the “it’s been done before” vibe and Osmosis Jones had Bill Murray.

54. Fun and Fancy Free

53. Make Mine Music

52. Melody Time – These three are interchangeable.  I haven’t seen them, but I’m sure they’re fine but not great.

51. The Three Caballeros

50. Saludos Amigos – These two seem like they may be problematic, but sound fun anyway.

49. Pinocchio – I said it on the podcast, but why is Pinocchio the only movie that ever comes out of the Disney Vault? Am I not paying attention? What are the rules of the Vault? Why is Pleasure Island so upsetting? Should the name “Pleasure Island” have landed this movie at #69? Answer these questions and I might reconsider on Pinocchio.

48. Incredibles 2 – Sequels by and large do not fare well on this list, and with good reason.  Toy Story is basically the only series that gets anything right, and though, again, I haven’t seen this one, I have my doubts that it lives up to the original.

47. The Sword and the Stone

46. Wreck-It Ralph

45. Dumbo – The Black Cauldron may have been the scariest, but does any scene beat the trippy-spooky “Pink Elephants on Parade” scene?  Not in my book.  Dumbo loses points for being racist, or it would have been a bit higher.

44. Ratatouille – Another Pixar film that I think people love.  Everything above this point is in my mind actually good, and this one sneaks in at that level.

43. The Great Mouse Detective – I have only a vague memory of The Great Mouse Detective, but I feel like it rocked.  Don’t @ me.

42. Atlantis: The Lost Empire – Atlantis resonates with me in a weird way.   I think it’s the Indiana Jones-ish vibe of going on a journey for a mythical thing/place, and it landed at the time in my life when I was the most into that.  Ok, hand up, I’m still really into that.

41. Oliver & Company – Billy Joel on the soundtrack?  Sign me up.

40. Cinderella – Now we’re starting to break into the true classic Disney films (that aren’t blatantly racist).   Cinderella might be the weakest of them, but it did give us the iconic “Bippity-boppity-boo.”

39. Tangled

38. Cars – Cars is at the tail end of the early Pixar period where they were just on fire.  The concept is fun, but it does star Larry the Cable Guy so it doesn’t quite stand up to the others.  Sad fact, this was Paul Newman’s last big role. RIP Butch Cassidy.

37. Alice in Wonderland – Another classic, weirdly popular with the stoner community.

36. The Rescuers

35. The Rescuers Down Under – I probably put more stock in the Rescuers than I should, considering I’ve not seen either of these since I was 10 years old at best. Down Under gets the slight edge just for being in Australia.

34. A Bug’s Life – A Bug’s Life is a well done movie, and I think that sums it up very well.  Like seemingly every Pixar movie, the cast is bonkers good.

33. Coco – I liked Coco for being a musical movie that’s not actually a musical.   The songs don’t actually tell the story, or replace dialogue or exposition, they just are naturally present.  Plus, I’m a sucker for Dia de los Muertos aesthetics.

32. Lady and the Tramp – Ok, I forgot Lady and the Tramp was pretty racist.   Racism aside, I love the Siamese song and I’m sorry to anyone I’ve offended in the making of this list.

31. Up – The opening of Up has kind of become a meme of the “I cry every time” variety, and I’m here to say I didn’t cry.  Not even once.  Stop asking.

30. WALL-E – Either a harrowing tale of what will eventually befall humanity, or a story about the life goals of those of us who just want to watch TV and not move.

29. Sleeping Beauty – Maleficent. Is. The. Best. Villain. In. Cinema. Don’t. @. Me.  Flawless character design, well done Disney.

28. Lilo & Stitch – I had aged out of Disney movies by the time Lilo & Stitch was released, but enjoyed it anyway.   Don’t tell the rest of Mrs. Hellmich’s 6^th grade class in 2002.

27. One Hundred and One Dalmatians – Too many puppies to not be in the top 30.

26. The Aristocats – Disney got a hell of a ride out of the voice of O’Malley, Phil Harris, who also voiced Baloo and Little John aka Baloo 2.  Aristocats also used the tried and true method of involving a bunch of cats, which is a great way to edge into the top part of this list.

25. Moana – Wait, you’re telling me that, besides being maybe the best wrestler of all time, the world’s biggest movie star, and overall just cool dude, the Rock sings?  And sings well?   Welcome to the top 25, Moana.

24. Bambi – Remember when I said I didn’t cry for Up?  Well, can’t say I didn’t cry for Bambi’s mom, because I did.  WE ALL DID.

23. Pocahontas – “Colors of the Wind” is a JAM.  Seriously, I know you probably haven’t listened to it in a while, but go ahead.  I’ll wait.  What’s that?  You listened, loved it, and then listened to “Just Around the Riverbend,” and loved that, too?   I think I’ve made my point.

22. Chicken Little – Chicken Little is 100% a sleeper with the general public.  I love this movie, and even I forgot it was a Disney movie.  That said, it’s great as a comedy, even if you forget it’s on the list.

21. Frozen – Based on the fact that “Let It Go” is such a cultural fixture, along with the fact that Elsa skyrocketed up the list of baby names for a couple of years, means the significance of Frozen can’t be ignored.

20. Monsters, Inc. – I don’t want to trash talk a movie I’m putting in the top 20, but laughter being a better energy source than screams was a total cop-out.  That said, Monsters, Inc. is great.

19. Peter Pan – I don’t have a ton to say about Peter Pan.  It may be this high because I love the movie Hook so much.

18. The Fox and the Hound – I’m giving Adam the benefit of the doubt on Fox and the Hound.   As a reimagining of the basic Romeo and Juliet plot, it is pretty effective.  And foxes add cool points, I don’t know why but it’s just science.

17. Toy Story 2 – That the worst Toy Story movie lands at #17 says a lot about the series.  Toy Story has the only sequels to even sniff the top half of the rankings, and as a sequel, it does a good job of continuing a story with characters we love, even if the characters it adds kind of suck.

16. Mulan – Mulan toes a fine line between being a lot of fun and being way too real.  When you get down to the bones of the story, it’s a war movie.  It doesn’t beat around the bush either, I mean, it straight up shows you a village that has been totally annihilated, down to the children.  Chilling stuff.  But it also has Eddie Murphy as a dragon, and what I’m calling a “reverse Some Like It Hot” gender hiding plotline.  Plus, let’s be honest here, “I’ll Make a Man Out of You” thumps.

15. Fantasia (original) – I have to give Fantasia a ton of credit for being able to keep the attention of a 6 year-old me for 120+ minutes with nothing but classical music and a visual story.  Did I usually fast-forward to the dinosaur part?   Sure, but I watched the entirety of it enough that it still counts.

14. The Jungle Book – One of my parents, not sure which, had the soundtrack of The Jungle Book on vinyl, and kept it long enough for me to listen to it.  And it introduced us to Baloo, who was good enough to get a spin-off cartoon series called Talespin where he was some sort of air pirate?   Or he fought air pirates?   I’m hazy on the details, but that’s still impressive.

13. Finding Nemo – Big shout out to my Spanish teacher for thinking that having us watch this movie with English audio and Spanish subtitles would actually help us learn.  The only thing I remember is P Sherman, 42 Wallaby Way, Sydney.  ¡Gracias, Señora!

12. Toy Story 3 – Since Toy Story 4 doesn’t exist yet, this is maybe the best end-cap to a trilogy that has ever been made.  It stays true to itself and has a satisfying ending.  Line up Toy Story with any trilogy out there, I dare you.

11. The Little Mermaid – I’m ranking The Little Mermaid this high for starting the new Disney Renaissance.  It’s a “girl’s” movie, so as a child I didn’t give it much mind, but I have to respect it for what it led to.

10. Snow White – Much like Mermaid, Snow White makes the top ten for being a landmark.  This is the first Disney movie, and it was made in the 30s, when entertainment mostly consisted of living in shantytowns and shooting Nazis.  I’d say Snow White was a step in the right direction.

9. Zootopia – Pixar has done a lot of things with animation that should impress you.  Zootopia is probably the pinnacle of that.  Creating characters of a thousand different species, giving them all recognizable features and quirks, yet making them, for lack of a better term, “human,” is quite an accomplishment.  Add to that the gorgeous set pieces, background details you have to see twenty times before they register, and wrapping it all up into a solid plot with characters you actually care about, and you’ve got yourself an effing great movie.

8. Hercules – The word that stands out to me about Hercules is “catchy.”   Obviously, you have the soundtrack to thank for that, but the dialogue is full of quotable lines, and even the visuals count for that.  I can vividly see in my mind the Hydra fight, the Titans being unleashed, and Hades doing, well, basically anything Hades does.  #8 is probably giving it too much credit for being a good movie, but it just sticks with me in a way that the others below it do not.

7. Beauty and the Beast – Beauty and the Beast might be the best on this list in regards to the musical elements.  Every one of its songs is either a perfect character summation (think “Belle aka Bonjour” or “Gaston”) or resonates so deeply on an emotional note (“Beauty and the Beast aka Tale as Old as Time” or “Something There”) that it is truly unforgettable.

6. The Incredibles – Before acquiring Marvel, this was Disney’s superhero movie.  And it’s so well done that if it was Marvel, I’d probably have it in my top 10.   It captures that essence perfectly, even down to the somewhat snarky tone that Marvel has made its trademark.   It’s another one on the list whose aesthetics I just can’t get enough of, that 50s-futuristic vibe.  But seriously, the plot works on every level.  It takes plot points from a ton of comics, mixes them all up, spits out something cohesive, and gives it serious stakes.   And it just, I guess, gets it.

5. Robin Hood – I talked about including Robin Hood on the pod as a sort of sentimental pick, since it was a favorite of mine way back.  But thinking about it more seriously, it’s incredibly effective at what it’s trying to do: tell the story of Robin Hood, dress it up as a Disney movie, make it fun, and let kids enjoy it.  And it made you want to be like Robin Hood, which is what it’s supposed to do.  So don’t come at me like it’s not a top 5 movie.   It does its job.

4. The Lion King – “The Circle of Life” is the most iconic opening to any movie probably ever.  And what’s crazy is that, yeah, it’s like a three minute sequence, but if you need any more than that opening note, I don’t know what’s wrong with you.  There’s a ton more to be said about The Lion King, but really, you don’t top that.  Should I probably say more about a top 5 movie?  Fine.  James Earl Jones is Mufasa, and is the most spot on casting of any role in any Disney movie.  Except the Genie.  But we’ll get there.

3. Toy Story – Toy Story is every kid’s dream come to life, no pun intended.   Who didn’t want their toys to have a mind of their own?  And Toy Story balances the goofy situations we created with our toys with memorable characters and a relatable story about the fear of not being good enough and being left behind.  Tom Hanks and Tim Allen were at the height of their power, and dammit, Buzz Lightyear was a fucking cool toy.  Plus, I said it on the pod, the toys belong to Andy.  That sells it for me.

2. The Emperor’s New Groove – God, this movie is funny.  The premise is absurd, David Spade and Jon Goodman play off of each other to perfection, and Kronk… Kronk is Kronk.  The scene where he is attempting to dump Kuzco’s body, humming his theme song all the while, and trying to freeze as a guy walks by him, might seriously be my favorite Disney scene.   I count The Emperor’s New Groove as one of the best comedies of the last 20 years, easily, and to this day it’s maybe the movie I get the most joy out of if I watch it now.

And coming in at number 1…

Aladdin – Topping the list, we have Aladdin.   I can still see it and recite almost every line from memory.   I’d guess my total viewings to number near a hundred if not more.  Aladdin tops the list, not just because it’s always been my favorite Disney film, but also because it combines the best elements of the rest of the top 5.   Robin Williams’ Genie is the number one best character casting ever, and checks all the comedy boxes.  Aladdin himself is cool as hell, you wanted to be like him, and you wanted to have your own genie.  So many scenes, the Cave of Wonders collapsing, Prince Ali’s entrance, saving Abu from the rolling tower, are wonderfully realized and memorable.  And the sentimental value helps nail it to the top spot.  That’s all without me mentioning Princess Jasmine.  So yes, of course Aladdin is the best Disney movie.  I said it on the pod, and I’ll stand by it until the day I die.

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Even though I know these rankings are correct, I’m still interested to know what your Disney rankings would look like.  Are any of the movies I clearly haven’t seen deserving of a higher spot?  Did I misremember most of the details of anything on the list?  Keep the conversation going and let me know in the comments!