Hey there gang! Happy to be back with all of my favorite degenerate internet friends! Not going to lie, I’ve had a pretty shitty week at work but that’s ok because we’re back doing what we love: Being bad at gambling and average at making jokes! Plus this blog doubles as my therapy so its how I deal with all the shit in my life. I can’t believe people spend money on therapists when you can just start a shitty blog and type your feelings into the void!
Before we get started I just want to mention that we gave our favorite gambling dog the week off, she’s been a good girl and deserves it. Anyway here’s a recap of last week:
I think that I’m thinking about this stuff too much, need to get back to just betting on instinct. (This should go well lolz)
Thursday – Rams @ Seahawks
I woke up this morning and I shit you not the first thing that popped into my head was “Feels like a Thursday Night Football Over Tonight” I didn’t even know who was playing tonight and I just felt it. And much like the great REO Speedwagon, I can’t fight this feeling anymore! Over 53.5
Thursday – Houston @ Tulane (+6.5)
Our Fearless Leader Cousin Luke texted me and Tyler and said we were betting on Houston. And when Cousin Luke says “Jump” I say “No thank you but I will ride with you on your bet” Houston -6.5
Thursday – Coastal Carolina @ Arkansas St. (+20.5)
I love Coastal Carolina, no highbrow sports analysis here. I just love them. They make feel deep, primal, lustful urges. No bullshit, watching Coastal Carolina turns me, I feel like I need a cigarette after every one of their games. Coastal -20.5
Saturday – Texas vs. Oklahoma
If you don’t bet the over in the god damn Red River Shootout, you might as well be burning an American Flag. It is one of the most blatantly communist things that you can do! Over 63.5
Saturday – UCONN @ UMASS (+4)
Hahahaha fuck it let’s get weird! These might be the two worst teams in college football, I don’t even know if this game will be televised. If it is make sure your children aren’t watching. But it’s exactly the kind of game that gets a sick fuck like me all fired up, and I’m taking the Huskies. UCONN -4
Saturday – Boise State @ BYU (-6)
The best kept dirty little secret in college football is that despite losing Zach Wilson to the NFL, BYU is a very good football team. Everyone know the two things that Mormons love most are having an army of wives and winning football games! BYU -6
Saturday – Penn State @ Iowa
TOP 5 MATCHUP ALERT!!! This game should be awesome and I can’t wait to park my ass on the couch and watch a good old fashion Big Ten Brawl. The Over in this game is currently at 41, but it should be about 17.5. Under 41
Sunday – Titans vs. Jaguars (+4.5)
I know the Titans lost last week, but the Jags have lost every week, also they are kind of a mess right now with Coach Urban Meyer making headlines for all the wrong reasons. And we already know my thoughts on him.
Titans -4.5
Sunday – Giants vs. Cowboys (-7)
I know it feels like we are living in some messed up reality, but the Cowboys are actually good. Its ok if that was shocking, but I am going to say it again. The Cowboys are good! Cowboys -7
Bills @ Chiefs (-2.5)
I whole heartedly believe that the Bills are the best team in the NFL. I love Buffalo, I love Buffalo wings, I love the Bills. Give me the underdogs Straight up! Bills ML (+117)
And now, time for that usually sweet moment, but as of late, has been a little salty (guess I should work some more pineapple into my diet) The Money Shot!
**Saturday – Michigan @ Nebraska (+3.5)**
Look, I might be a no good, ugly, dumb, mother fucker. But what I am is a man of principles. And I simply refuse to bet on Scott Frost! Now, a lot of the gambling sharps out there will try to tell you that “this is a great spot for Nebraska” or that “Michigan hasn’t played anyone” or “Nebraska has covered 5 straight”. Well you know what? Fuck em! I have decided that the Fade Scott Frost hill is a hill I am willing to die on, so now I must defend my hill and ride into battle. See you on the other side. Michigan -3.5
Damn that felt good to write, not one ounce of research or stats, just pure gut feeling and instinct. As always thank you very much to the readers out there for giving me this platform to ramble on. Love you ALL! So as always, comment, tweet at me, or DM me with any comments, criticisms, or locks you have!
Whether you are fading or following, Let’s Get Rich! Love you guys!