Emergency Kyle’s MoneyShot Post/ State of The Union Address/ Degenerate Celebration!

Congratulations everyone! After many years of being suppressed and kept down by “The Man” those of us who live in the great state of Indiana will be able to bet our hard earned money on sports!

I’ve been following this bill since I first saw an article that it was being proposed and I quickly learned a couple of things:

  1. I have not thought about the legislative process since high school government class (stay in school kids)
  2. The people you vote into your local government matter (remember to vote kids)
  3. With enough grit and determination any law can be changed (fight for what you believe in kids)

But enough of that boring adult shit, let’s get to what really matters here: WE CAN BET ON SPORTS! (Almost) unfortunately the law does not go into effect until September 1st. Luckily for you guys, that will line up nicely with the return of college football and everyone’s favorite football gambling segment: Kyle’s MoneyShot

In order to make September 1st that much more special, I will abstaining from placing any bets until then. I want that day to be the most important day of my life, and I think this is the best way to do that. “Absence makes the heart grow fonder” right?

As it currently sits, the closest brick and mortar establishment that I will be able to place bets at is 0.4 miles from my apartment. While that is fantastic (or terrifying, depending on your point of view) for me, that doesn’t do much for all of the rural degenerates in the state. Never fear, your state government has your back, because you will be able to download apps and place bets right from your phone! Now I know most of you probably got very worried for my financial well being after reading that but don’t worry, it’s not like I’m going to have my paycheck directly deposited into the betting app (I asked HR and they said they couldn’t do it) but don’t worry, I will probably be a safe and responsible gambler, probably, but just in case will someone make sure to check in on me every couple of days when September gets here just to make sure that I’m still going to work and showering and all that good stuff? Thanks in advance.

Today is a day for celebration indeed. Congrats to all of my hopelessly addicted brothers and sisters out there! 116 days until September 1st, I’ll see you on the other side.


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