Football is over and everyone’s lives suck.
BUT WAIT! THE ALLIANCE OF AMERICAN FOOTBALL IS HERE TO SAVE US!! Okay, so you’re not so optimistic? Give me a chance to prove you wrong. I’m going to be acting as a beat writer for the Memphis Express. Don’t worry – our other colleagues will be covering some other AAF teams in case you hate Memphis. Let’s recap:
The AAF exists because *question mark* and is coming out to put the XFL out of business before it starts. I could research the specifics but you don’t care about that. Here’s this weekend’s spread of AAF games:
San Diego @ San Antonio – Saturday at 8pm
Atlanta @ Orlando – Saturday at 8pm
Memphis @ Birmingham – Sunday at 4pm
Salt Lake @ Arizona – Sunday at 8pm
Alright, Birmingham. You fuckers are going down!! What do we know about Memphis? Well, as the expert, I’m here to tell you.
Head Coach – Mike Singletary – well, I’m used to hating my coach, so that fits. I’m not a Singletary fan – but let’s see what he does.
QB(s) – Zach Mettenberger – Huge fan! Christian Hackenberg – okay! Who is starting? Not sure. But that’s cool.
RBs – Zac Stacy – former Ram’s guy! That’s fun!
Not a lot of other names I’m seeing here….one thing that’s weird? They don’t have a kicker on the roster! They have 2 punters? So maybe one is dual threat! Also, they have a WR named Alton “Pig” Howard which is pretty cool! (and also Damore’ea Stringfellow). So the pig and the fellow – how can we ever lose?! It’s going to be a great year! Also, Reece Horn – the WR went to Indianapolis. Not sure what that means. Maybe there’s a college named Indianapolis but I’m from Indiana and I don’t think that’s right? But hey! **Editor’s note** I’m an idiot – he went to University of…Indianapolis. Yup. I’m an idiot. See ya.
Look, I am stoked. Memphis is going to be great! Here’s to a great season and I look forward to keeping you guys in the know on all things MEMPHIS! **Editor’s note** if Memphis starts off 0-3, I have the right to change teams because no one else is going to pull their weight, are they?! Let me know what you think about AAF and Memphis. Who is on board with me?!