Every year, I stroll through Twitter to see hilarious stories of people’s Thanksgiving. From the “What am I doing with my life” BS to “Holy shit you won’t believe what Uncle Todd did!” My Thanksgiving is generally “I went and ate lots of food with my family and nothing exciting happened because my family is (semi) normal.” I’ve always wanted one of those moments and by a Thanksgiving miracle, damnit, this year it happened.
I was at a Thanksgiving (my in laws, not my own just to clarify which family is crazy). But the weird thing is the opposite said of the family had a day Thanksgiving and we were the night one. Why is this of importance? Because said incident actually occurred by one of the other family members sticking around too long and into the night of a family they weren’t even a part of (okay, so maybe neither of my families are crazy after all). The scene unfolds:
I’m watching football as most normal people do on Thanksgiving when the following conversation begins.
Crazy Man: “So what is her dating status?”
Man who is not in my family: “I think she’s available.”
Crazy Man: “Well, I’ve been dating a mortician for awhile, so that’s pretty interesting.”
Me: *sharp look over towards the conversation*
Crazy Man: “Well, I was supposed to meet her last night but someone died.”
Me: *nod of acknowledgement that this may become entertaining*
Crazy Man: “I was pretty pissed, though because I hadn’t heard from her. I really thought she was ghosting me.”
Me: *spits out my drink* (This guy just made the best pun in the world without even knowing what a pun is. His mortician girlfriend with a dead body in tote just ghosted him.)
Crazy Man: “I mean she couldn’t just step away for 30 seconds to tell me we weren’t going to meet?”
Me: *now joining in* “Yeah, I mean it’s not like her work was….going anywhere.” *snickers under breath as no one else gets the joke*
Crazy Man: “I was so pissed – it was like 6 hours later before I heard from her.
Me: “Man, did you tell her she’s….dead to you?” *soft snort from laughing to myself*
Crazy Man: “I told her I didn’t appreciate it and she could have stepped away to let me know.”
Me: “Just tell her if it happens again you’re going to…kill the relationship.”
At this point I was borderline caught laughing to myself and had to pretend to go back to be a normal American watching football on Thanksgiving – but for those few brief moments, I finally had my Thanksgiving Miracle of a trainwreck unfolding in front of my eyes. I’m now looking forward to Christmas and guests who aren’t really invited to the party.
Any good Thanksgiving stories? Drop down in the comments and let us know your favorite holiday trainwreck.