Possibly The Dumbest Article Ever Published

All of you like know by now of the stupidly cold weather the Midwest,and more specifically my home state of Indiana are expected to see tomorrow. Now, I don’t claim to be an expert on what to do / not to do when cold weather comes through, but a USA Today article I stumbled across seems to have a guy who DOES think he is an expert, and decided to tell us what not to leave in a car when the “polar vortex” passes through. Thank God for this mans insight, I thought so much of it, I’ll give my thoughts below on his GREAT list of things to not leave in your car for the polar vortex.

Cellphones – Come on guy, it’s 2019, people do not leave cellphones in their car for extended periods of time if they are not in it.

Soda or beer – I’ll give a pass on this one, some people may not have actually known they will explode.

Musical instruments – Thankful for this one, last thing someone who travels around with an instrument needs is that bastard to sound out of tune for all the chicks they probably get.

Eggs – Who the fuck leaves eggs just chilling in their car???

Canned foods – Keep your emergency rations somewhere else everyone, the car bunker is not safe this time of year.

LOVED ONES – Yes, apparently this needed to be said. Do not leave loved ones in a unheated car. Thanks guy. Remember to leave grandma the keys when she sleeps over in the car tonight.

Now maybe this list didn’t need to be talked about, maybe it was fine on it’s own, but I like to think I helped him clear it up a little bit. If you can think of other critical things to not keep in your car in a polar vortex let me know in the comments, this USA Today writer doesn’t need to be the only one saving lives.